Authors Alta, Emma, Nicolina, and Sarah share their personal journeys as Autistic peer group leaders, offering stories, tips, and encouragement for anyone wanting to create supportive spaces for Autistic and neurodivergent people.
By Misfits for Misfits 2024 – left to right Nicolina, Tamara, Maisie, Emma, Erik, Bridget
Autistic experiences intersect with all aspects of life, from health and identity to relationships and community. For many Autistic people connection opportunities provided by peer groups can support the often-invisible challenges through a shared journey of visibility, understanding, and empowerment. We are four Autistic peer group leaders sharing our journeys, and offering inspiration, practical insights, and support for Autistic and neurodivergent people looking to establish these much-needed groups across the motu (nation). Two of our groups include anyone who feels unique or different, although all four authors are Autistic.
In this article, we define peer groups as being by and for Autistic and neurodivergent people, with neuronormative people involved by invitation only. According to Wise (2023), neuronormative people are those who align with the most common ways of thinking and behaving in capitalist colonial societies, while neurodivergent people have neurological differences that set us apart from those norms.
As Damian Milton (2012) explained in his groundbreaking Double Empathy Problem theory, social and communication differences exist between Autistic and non-autistic people. However, our ways of thinking and being are normal among our own group. It is well-known that Autistic-to-Autistic interactions are more likely to be validating, restorative, and easier, while also celebrating our shared interests. We have the right and the inclination to connect and build our community together, like any other cultural group.
We have found connection, acceptance, friendships, opportunities, community, support, problem solving, leadership development, and mana among our groups. As one member said, “It’s about belonging.” Our ideal future has an Autistic group in every city and town, with us coming together for regional and national events. Here are some steps we are taking towards this vision.
Our four groups are all very different. Nicolina runs the Matamata Autistic and Neurodivergent Social Group, who meet for two hours once a month and have ad hoc meals and activities. Autistic Adults Aotearoa NZ is an Autistic-led and neurodiversity- affirming mutual support network for Autistic adults led by Alta. Mainly online, the group is a vector for discussions, resource sharing, and peer support. Emma’s group is called Island of Misfits Community. It is a safe space for Tauranga-based neurodivergent and marginalised late teens and young adults to belong, while building friendships and bridging to the wider community. They eat together and have deep discussions about life, faith, worldviews, neurodiversity, and everything else. Sarah leads a group of Autistic women and genderqueer adults called Kirikiriroa Autistic Women + Co. From small town to whole country, our groups all began from one person who saw a need and decided to do something about it.
Relationships and community are at the core of everything we do. Alta created their group to provide a dedicated space for Autistic adults, addressing dissatisfaction with many other online spaces where our experiences are often overshadowed by the narratives of parents, carers, and professionals. Emma found many people in the autism and neurodivergent communities were isolated and wanted to bring people together to find a renewed sense of hope and purpose. Being involved in the Autistic peer group, Voices from the Spectrum, Sarah identified the need for a complementary space for women and genderqueer folk. we all began our groups for different reasons, for Nicolina, it was moving to a new town and wanting to make some friends. So how did we go about getting our groups started?
Our groups have been running from four months to four years. After approaching a support group for parents, Emma formed connections with their teen and young adult children. Island of Misfits started with five people in her lounge at home. Now over 80 people have gone to an Island of Misfits event! Emma is also part of a few networks of support groups and service providers that help each other out and many recommend Island of Misfits to their clients. For Alta, recruitment has relied on word-of-mouth, with an emphasis on nurturing the kaupapa (initiative) rather than increasing numbers. Nicolina put an ad on a community Facebook page. After that, she also approaches people who seem Autistic. Some people have found that spending time with Nicolina one-on-one helps them grow the confidence to join her group. Other people have found it easier to start online before meeting up in real life. Sarah has also found members via autdar (Autistic radar, the ability to perceive autism in other people). Between us, we have also gathered friends and acquaintances, asked Enabling Good Lives and Altogether Autism to send out group details, utilised Facebook Marketplace, publicised our groups through social media, and invited people from events. Emma also made a print publication.
We have each grappled with drawing boundaries around who can join our groups. All our groups are for adults (18 years and over). Sarah and Alta lead Autistic-only groups, while Nicolina and Emma include people with other forms of neurodivergence. Acknowledging there is no right way to do this, Sarah’s group is for adults who do not require ongoing supervisory care and support, on the basis that her group does not have the capacity to supervise people and neuronormative support workers often cause Autistic people to mask. Nicolina, on the other hand, is staunch about unifying all Autistics and has a BYO support policy. While her group is for adults, being a parent herself led Nicolina to ask her group if they could welcome people who needed to bring their children because they did not have alternative childcare, and everyone was happy with that. She will exclude any person who threatens or actions physical, sexual, or psychological violence to anyone, whether inside or outside the group, to maintain our safe space. Emma often likes to meet with people and get to know them in person before they come to the group. Alta’s group membership is focused on Autistic adults and those who are exploring if they might be Autistic, along with their chosen supports. Non-autistic professionals, whānau, and friends are added only in specific circumstances.
Each of us has insights to share with people interested in starting a peer group. Sarah explains the importance of understanding that we all have trauma from living as Autistic people in a neuronormative world (plus many times other traumas as well), and that this should be front of mind when navigating difficulties. She wants everyone to know that people really want these Autistic-led spaces, so you will have people coming even if it takes a bit of time to get off the ground properly. Note: it only takes two to have a quality interaction, so if only one other person shows up, that’s still great. While funding is out there if you need it, Emma reminds us that it does not have to cost a lot to bring people together. Make a Facebook or Discord group or event, find someone’s house or a free venue to host it at, have a potluck where people bring food (or supply some cheap snacks), bring some board games or a discussion topic, and there you have it. Food is a good way to break the ice, and fidgets are good too. Alta reflects on the importance of clear parameters, trust, and active engagement— ensuring that we contribute to the things we want to build. Nicolina aims to encourage other members to organise activities and get togethers as well and tries to āwhina (support) and attend these. It is a good idea to have a back-up leader for times when you are away. In summary it is about whanaungatanga (relationship) – when people feel connected to something and they feel loved and cared for, they will invest more into that community and get more out of it!
We extend an invitation to prospective group leaders and advocates to contact us using the details below, so that we can offer encouragement in pursuit of our vision for a more connected future.
References
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem.’ Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599. 2012.710008
Wise, S. J. (2023). We’re all neurodiverse. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
This article was published in the 2025 Altogether Autism Journal. Fill in our online form to get the next FREE Altogether Autism Journal delivered to you by email.
Authors
Nicolina Newcombe
Dr Nicolina Newcombe is Autistic and has a PhD in Education and a Master in Māori and Pacific Development. She works as an Inclusion Advisor for IHC.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolina-newcombe/
Connect with the Matamata Autistic and Neurodivergent Social Group at www.facebook.com/groups/matamata.ansg
Sarah Hoefhamer
Sarah is a chronically ill Autistic parent of Autistic teens. She was diagnosed after hesitantly self-identifying for five years. She leads Kirikiriroa Autistic Women + Co, hosts Altogether Autism A4A Zoom sessions once a
fortnight, and is an advocate on the ground for Autistic rights and needs.
A4A sessions are hosted by Autistic adults. Sessions can be found and booked at www.altogetherautism.org.nz/events
If you’d like to join Kirikiriroa Autistic Women + Co, connect with us:
Facebook group: https://kaw.org.nz
Email: sarah@kaw.org.nz
Emma Cox
Emma is passionate about hospitality and creating spaces where people can come together. She works full-time running Island of Misfits, a project that brings a sense of community to neurodivergent individuals, which she sees as an incredible privilege. As an Autistic person, Emma has found joy in creative outlets like painting, playing the ukulele, and other artistic pursuits, in addition to cooking and traveling. Over time, the support of those around her and her faith have played a crucial role in helping her embrace her identity as Autistic—something she once felt ashamed of but has since learned to accept and celebrate.
emma.cox@steiger.org
Facebook: Island of Misfits Community
Instagram: islandofmisfits.tauranga
Booklet of Neurodivergent Stories
Alta Sacra
Alta Sacra (BA, MScEd) is an Autistic person and parent to an autistic child, dedicated to enabling access, inclusion, and well- being for Autistic people. They work for VisAble, run a part-time consultancy, and are completing a Master of Applied Social Work in 2025.
Connect with Alta Sacra, on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/altasacra
Find the group on Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/autisticadultsaotearoa
To learn more, read: bit.ly/AutisticAdultsAotearoa